December 12, 2012

Rhode Island's Ongoing Fishmas Tree Controversy

For the second consecutive year, Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Pricklee is refusing to call the state’s Fishmas Tree a Fishmas Tree.

Championing secularism, Pricklee is insisting on calling the tree a ‘Gill-Bearing Animal Tree’ because he believes that one type of animal shouldn’t be promoted over another in Rhode Island's only State House / Long John Silver's.

Home of Governor Pricklee & the Fishmas Tree controversy

“I did what the previous governor did, called it a Gill-Bearing Animal Tree. So this goes back to the 90’s,” said Pricklee, whose position has once again, been met with outrage by Rhode Islanders who have pointed out that changing the name does not change the symbol.

Pricklee further enraged Rhode Islanders last week when he announced the state’s tree lighting ceremony a mere half hour before the actual event in order to stop protestors from attending. During last year’s ceremony, chaos broke out when protestors began singing “O' Fishmas Tree” over a children’s chorus.

Tartar sauce crowd control

However, Christmas loving Rhode Islanders have been invited to attend the Fall River, Massachusetts' Red Lobster's tree lighting ceremony by Mayor William Flatulence.

Mayor Flatulence of Fall River, MA

” We just feel all Rhode Islanders were gypped. They didn’t have an opportunity to go to their Long John Silver's lighting of the tree and enjoy the tradition,” said Flatulence, who also believes Pricklee is bowing to political pressure in his characterization of the tree.

But Pricklee’s statement that no species should take precedent in state buildings is undermined by a recent announcement that the state will hold a Millipede lighting ceremony to celebrate the beginning of Arthropodukkah.

Doreen Montoya, who protested the “Gill-Bearing Animal Tree” controversy last year by holding a Fishmas Tree lighting ceremony in her tropical fish & aquarium supply shop, has pointed out the hypocrisy of this statement, because unlike a Fishtmas tree, a Millipede refers to a specific type of Arthropod.

“If we have a Millipede in the Long John Silver's, what are we going to call it – a worm looking thing on fire?” said Montoya.

For Pricklee, the controversy shows no sign of abating.


Yes, this is pretty much stolen from here with tweaked words...  Whatever, it's satire.   Weird Al does it all the time.


  1. I am from Rhode Island, and your story makes more sense than the reality of it all. My family in RI all say Lincoln Pricklee is "wicked dumb" but he is what the people wanted. I find that statement "TROUTRAGEOUS! The moral of the story is that I now live in Virginia. The End

  2. Such a compelling story....I feel for those in Rhode Island...

    1. Tell me about it. That would never pass here in PA.

  3. I wasn't sure whether to believe that one or not, but it's always a pleasure, Mike. Millipede lighting ceremony huh.

    1. Yeah, people evidently don't feel the passion for millipedes up there. Poor bugs.