December 27, 2012

Helping All You Bloggers With Your Year End Posts

This week is notoriously famous as the time when most fishing bloggers either write up their "Year End Recap" or "New Year's Resolution" posts.  Just like when the doctor tells you to turn your head and cough, it happens every year and takes over blogrolls like MRSA.  Hell, I'm guilty of it myself...and in that I mean the New Year's Resolution posts, not the viral rash.

So with that, I'm gonna do you all a favor and give you 5 tips on how to help avoid having your year end post suck more than a hooker pushing a Dyson...although, on second pass, that would be pretty damn entertaining...

Don't like this pic...Google "Hooker Vacuum"
and see what comes up for yourself...

1.  No lengthy videos or photo slideshows of all of the fish you caught.  
C'mon with the 10 minute YouTube opus to bluegill already, one looks just like the rest.  If you're gonna do one of those, set the egg timer on your Windows Movie Maker to no more than 3 minutes in length (2 if only pictures).  fishingpoet did his movie correctly, click here & take notes.  And while you're at it, add some music (preferably with a beat) or else we're all going to fall asleep.  Might I suggest Rumpshaker by Wreckx-N-Effect?

2.  Don't write too much.  
Diarrhea of the keyboard does not make for a compelling post.  A few paragraphs, a few pictures, and get out.  Think using the restroom at a sporting event.  Keep talking to a minimum and don't shake my hand.  It's a recap, not your diary.  You've already written FAR too many uninteresting things this year.  Don't waste our time with one more, we're busy people...who need to use our time constructively on Facebook.  Got it?

3.  No lamenting over your blog's future...
I vomit in my mouth a little bit every time I read a blogger's struggle to fight their inner demons and re-dedicate themselves to this "craft" for the new year.  "Why do I do this?"  Because you're a narcissist like the rest of us.  Pull up your big boy pants and either stick around for another 365 or announce your retirement once and for all.  This is a cutthroat world we live in (ha, cutthroat, see what I did there?), and nobody wants to listen to someone whine...we got 99 problems and bloggin' ain't one.  

4.  Insert a stupid pop culture reference in your post, even if it makes no sense.  
Why is my 2012 New Year's Resolution post the #2 most viewed entry by a longshot?  The wonderful, revelation-filled goals I set for myself?  No, idiots Googling "Dave Hester YUUUUP" over, and over, and over....

Hey Dave...did you enjoy your 15 minutes of fame?

Will it entertain people the day you write it?  Hell no, but we're talking staying power.  Photobomb it right with alt text and you'll get hits on that bastard the entire year.  Don't know what alt text is?  Stick to Twitter.  Duck Dynasty, Amish Mafia, Moonshiners...the choice is yours.  Just stay away from Honey Boo Boo, picking on the mentally disabled ain't cool, unless it's family.

5.  Five is the magic number.  
Saying you have a Top 5 list is just sexier than saying you have a Top 4 list, and much easier to consume than a Top 10.  Remember 5 is the winning number when listing out your resolutions.  I'm snoring by 6.

Anybody remember the 6th Jackson Johnny?  Didn't think so.

Excellent.  Let the year end recaps begin!  I'm eagerly waiting to see what you all come up about 600 words or less...


  1. Now you've got me lamenting over the future of my year end recap.


    Kirk, CFO, Hooker vacuums USA, LLP

    1. Kirk, are there any investment opportunities in your company?

    2. Glad you asked, Mike. Our regional representative for your area works out of Camden, NJ and goes by the name of "1/0 Circle Hook." His background is in grassroots based pharmaceutical distribution, but he's adapted well to this new line of work and we're proud to have him as a member of the Hooker Vacuum Team. He can get you set up with an orientation package, which mostly contains a rusty pistol, a bottle of bright blue Mad Dog 20/20 with the safety seal broken, and a list of local young ladies who are eager to work, but are sadly unable to complete a W-4 for any number of reasons.

  2. Okay, so I posted before I least I shared the spotlight and gave you credit.

    1. Howard, you handled your post in fine form. And yes, monkeys will eat your face off, especially if skunked.

  3. You've given me all the excuse I need to not engage in a year end/new year post. I thank you for that.

  4. That's the shit, right there. Sage advice...AND I actually wound up on the right side of the law. Thanks for the shout, Mike. Have a great New Year.

  5. Well I couldn't resist the temptation...
    But went for 6 since I was to lazy to stop at 5...

  6. Aww man! Now I have to write a "top 5 things that justify my top 5 take-aways from 2015" post.

  7. This is fantastic. I actually think I followed your advice last year (2014) without even knowing it.

  8. Loving the comments!