April 27, 2012

The Secret To Tenkara's Fish Catching Superiority

Okay...now this is super duper top secret stuff...but I'm going to show you what makes tenkara 1000% times more effective than any other method of fishing.  Yeah, us goofballs with the telescoping graphite rods aren't lying when we annoyingly boast about tenkara's fish catching superiority.

A few months ago, a tenkara guide I won't mention by name once almost spilled the beans regarding this secret in a popular forum...and then had to cover his tracks quite hastily with some sort of "certification" excuse.  That's why us tenkararians are encouraged to throw people off the scent by spreading the fabricated sakasa kebari "one fly" mythology around in liberal quantities.

See this is something we really aren't supposed to let get out - or at least without risking severe bodily harm by ninja attack - but Lilly's been taking karate classes for a month or two, so I think she can hold them off while I flee the scene.


So anyway, here's the deal...

Exhibit A:  A standard tenkara rod.  In my case, a Tenkara USA Series I Iwana.


To find the secret that makes tenkara "go," you first need to unscrew the handle cap, or whatever it's called...


Okay, with the cap off, the secret should immediately present itself...do you see it yet?


No, let me pull it out a bit more...


That's right.  Hidden within the handle of each and every authentic tenkara rod, is a lock of 100% Japanese unicorn mane.  And anyone that is anyone knows that nothing attracts fish, especially trout, better than the magic of genuine unicorn hair.


Just don't tell anyone else...okay?  Can't have those reel-toting heathens disturbing the secret unicorn stash.

And if upon inspection your tenkara rod doesn't contain unicorn mane...well, by all means contact Tenkara USA and and tell them Troutrageous sent you.  They have an excellent warranty program and although this specific benefit is not advertised, Daniel & crew will make things right; just make sure to use code word "cotton candy," so they know what you are talking about.


April 25, 2012

In Case You Haven't Heard, I'm Headed South

To date I really haven't really acknowledged here the fact that I'm headed down to Georgia in a little over a week to go fishing in the Smokies with Owl Jones.  No, it's not that I'm ashamed or embarrassed by this fact, rather, he's done more than an adequate job speaking for the both of us over at this place...as evidenced HERE, HERE, HERE, & HERE.  I mean he's even got a countdown clock on his blog.  That's not creepy at all, right?

The non working version
So since Owl is preparing me for this trip via his "Open Letters" series, I figured I'd prepare him what to expect as well.  It's not necessarily in letter form, but some things he should probably know.  I mean it's the least I can do...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

While I've never fished down South, I've been below the Mason-Dixon line more than a few times for work.  Memphis, Louisville, Charleston, Charlotte, Atlanta, Jacksonville, etc...  

I'm no BBQ snob, although I prefer a pulled pork sammich "Memphis Style," you know, cole slaw on top.  And a dry rub on ribs.  But the fact is I'll eat pretty much anything.  The greasier the better.  And because of that, any meals we partake in, be they made from store bought supplies or fast food are on my dime.  I'm not fighting you over this.


I suck at fly fishing.  Maybe this is a bit of an exaggeration, but I've only been fly fishing for about 3 or so years, and a good portion of that was consumed by tenkara.  I can execute a sloppy roll cast, and a few other tricks, but otherwise, I'm no rock star.

Most people (friends & co-workers) call me Ags...at least when they're not calling me four letter words.  Lilly calls me Dad.  My internet friends seem call me T (which makes sense, but is still kinda foreign).  Only K.C. seems to call me Mike.  Am I supposed to call you Owl...Jeff...Mr. Zazzy Pop...in person?  Just know in advance, I'm not calling you Sugarlumps.

You already know this, but I've never gone camping before.  At least not counting in my backyard with Lilly.  I'm a city-ish boy and we just didn't do that.  We considered those Cub Scout kids dorks in my neighborhood.  The Jersey Shore (no joke) was our vacation thing growing up, not the mountains.  So bears don't scare me, but that's due to pure ignorance.  

Hey Boo Boo

Thank you for having Mrs. Owl write an email to Mrs. Troutrageous to let her know that while you may be certifiably insane, you are relatively harmless.  I think it's making her feel better that I'm off to go hang out with an "internet friend" in the woods for 3 days.

I'm fixin' to learn me some Southern talk...and maybe see an orange Dodge Charger or two jump our creek mid backcast.


You're building this adventure up to be EPIC - much like you did tenkara before you gave it a try.  Let's dial that back a bit, don't buy into the "Troutrageous!" marketing package.  Plus, I'm no River Damsel, I bite my fingernails.  That said, I'm sure we'll have fun. 


I curse a lot when I talk.  It's a symptom of being an uncivilized Yankee.  Know what I fuckin' mean?  Sorry about that.  I'm also sure our conversations at some point may stray toward politics and/or religion; understand we probably won't agree.  I'm cool with that and hope you are too.  I know I'm not going to Hell or anything because it doesn't exist.

You'll probably be doing most of the talking.  As other bloggers who I've gone fishing with over the last few years can probably attest, I'm not a chatter box.  Sure, I like to talk, but my snarkiness tends to show itself in short, calculated bursts.  In short, I'm no jibber-jabberer.

We will find a Bigfoot.  If not, we'll have fun trying.


And to end, I really don't care about fishing.  We don't have to be fishing 24-7 or any of that stuff.  Don't get me wrong, I'd like to catch some fish, but don't feel the pressure to be Mr. Smokies fishing guide.  If I stumble into one or two hooksets, I'll be more than satisfied and still leave a healthy tip.  This trip is an escape from what has been a pretty unforgiving last 6+ months on the job.  I just want to soak in the surroundings, enjoy the escape, with fishing being merely a backdrop.

Anyway Owl, thanks for having me.  I'm really looking forward to it.  The 4th can't come soon enough.

April 23, 2012

2012 Stony Creek Anglers Trout Tournament

Holy smokes...it's Stony Creek Anglers Trout Tournament week!  Yup, time for my annual commercial.

No, I don't fish in it...I work it as a member of the club, and boy should it be an interesting tournament this year.  Why, you might ask?  Because the old dam (and the super deep holes) that everyone used to congregate around were removed by the State since last year's tourney.


That means different fishing holes to find up and down the creek, and possibly trickier fish to catch.  Either way, it's usually a great time for young and old, and I'm pumped that we finally got some rain this past weekend to make it a possibility.  Fish can't swim without water if you know what I mean.

Kiddie Pond

Even if fishing for stockies in an environment like this isn't your thing (and honestly, it isn't mine), the tournament serves as the major fundraiser for our club each year.  As a cooperative trout nursery for the State of Pennsylvania, we have to foot the bill for pretty much everything but the fish...the biggest cost being food.  And believe me, it costs a lot of money to keep fish healthy and fed each year.  Club membership dues only go so far...

For details on the 2012 Stony Creek Anglers Trout Tournament, check out the SCA website HERE, or the tournament flier below.


Sasquatch Rainbow Photo

Even Sasquatches take those bad "fish in hand" pictures...



April 22, 2012

What Lack Of Fishing Does To Me

Without any inspiration from any recent fishing trips, I didn't really feel like writing anything last night, so I started another stupid blog.  Emphasis on stupid.  I don't intend on keeping it up, but heck, you never know...



April 21, 2012

Sasquatch & Chupacabra Go Fishing


More than enough backbone in a tenkara rod.
Loch Ness monsters fight like wet socks...


April 19, 2012

Awww Damn, Snakehead in Philly

I'm slow on the uptake sometimes, but looks like a few weeks ago a snakehead was found in Philadelphia...the John Heinz National Wildlife Refuge in Tinicum to be exact...which for those of you not local, that's the swamp around the airport.


C'mon PFBC, make like Maryland and put a bounty on these fuckers.  Because once you do, I'm donning sunglasses & hair product, hopping in the Suburban with Duane Lee, Baby Lisa, and my paintball gun, and we're gonna bring a bag full of those bad boys in, drop 'em in a box, and air mail them back to where they belong, care of Lunker Hunt.

April 17, 2012

The Secret To A Popular Pinterest Pin

Like a few months ago or something I wrote a post about my experience infiltrating estrogen-heavy Pinterest. For the unfamiliar, it's basically the social media equivalent of "The View," just without that chick from Survivor.  (I can't believe either show is still on the air BTW)

11 year old dated reference

Anyway, much like Google+, I haven't been back to Pinterest all that often since, but I will "pin" a picture every now and then just for shits & giggles.

Most of the time, said pins never really generate much user feedback in the form of likes, comments, or re-pins.  I maybe get someone to be brave enough to do one of the three, but never all of them, much less multiples of all of them...until the other day.  It probably has to do with the fact that I mostly post obscure things like old Nike sneakers and Ric Flair, but whatever...

But I think I've finally cracked the code.  
Today I unveil to you the secret of a wildly (by my standards) popular Pinterest pin...

Post a picture of Chase Hundley

Yes, it's that easy to create social media magic.

April 16, 2012

Damn I've Been Quiet

So no post since last Thursday.  Yeah, I just didn't feel like writing anything.  I also haven't done any fishing lately either...we haven't had a good rain in these parts for weeks and the water levels are extremely low.  Too low for mid-April if you ask me, but what you gonna do?


Well, I'll tell you what I did instead of fishing (or blogging)...  

I bought a new tenkara rod.  Because nothing compensates for not fishing better than buying more fishing stuff.


I power washed bird crap off my roof.  They live behind my shutters.  Good work outta them.


I ate 3 Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco Supremes.  I should have ordered 12.


I schemed a fishing trip to a new and exotic location in the beginning of May.  

I took the dog for a walk in the park.  He tried to take a leak every 10 feet.


I got recruited for a top secret fishing trip on the side while out in Utah for that tenkara thingy.

I EZ Seeded and Turf Builded...or is it Turf Built?  No red-headed Scotsman appeared.  



I went to the grand opening of a cupcake shop....what?...yeah, I really did.

Do you guys care?  No.  I just felt like writing something, so deal.

Fishing returns tomorrow.  Maybe...


April 15, 2012

Guest Post - Gone Fishing: Top 4 Tropical Fishing Destinations

Time for another guest post not of my doing.  Like all guest posts around here, I didn't write this, so if you see something that doesn't look right...well...I don't want to hear it.  Let's face it, I'm pretty liberal with guest posting opportunities...even if they are about improving page rank or the like.

This post was forwarded to me by Jessica S., and I enjoy being able to click "copy," then "paste," and take the day off...  The vacation from blogging makes it convenient about daydreaming about real life vacations...which ties into this post quite well.  Enjoy.

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Gone Fishing: Top 4 Tropical Fishing Destinations

Today’s workplace is no longer confined to an office or a cubicle: with email, smartphones and social media, it’s nearly impossible to get away from it all, even for a few moments of each day. But if you have a chance to take a real vacation, an island fishing trip could be the perfect escape: whether you’re a novice or an expert fisherman, you could try new ways to fish and add a record-breaking tarpon or bonefish to your catch list while you and your companion enjoy lush tropical surroundings, miles of sandy beaches and incredible sunsets.

Getting Ready for the Trip

First, you’ll need to renew or obtain a passport and visa, if necessary. Visit your doctor for any required vaccinations and arrange for travel insurance from Atlas Insurance or another provider to cover any medical emergencies, evacuations and other unlikely events that you may encounter when traveling abroad.

Seychelles



Seychelles, a small group of islands near the east coast of Africa, is considered one of today's hottest tropical fishing spots and is a favorite destination of salt-water fly fishermen. Try your hand at bonefishing in the waters surrounding Alphonse Island -- the flats there are also home to permit, barracuda, trevally and grouper. Spend an afternoon surf-casting for feisty pacific bonito and dog-tooth tuna. Take advantage of deep-sea fishing charters for your chance to catch a sailfish, rainbow runner or wahoo.

The Bahamas


Game-fishing at its best is also available closer to home. While there are over 700 islands in the Bahamas, Andros, Long, Grand and Abaco Islands are famous for flats teeming with bonefish, permit and tarpon. Challenge the wily bonefish in the cays, flats and shaded creeks on the north shore of Grand Bahama Island. Fish from flat-bottomed boats or experience the thrill of casting while wading on the flats. Head out to sea on an evening charter for tuna, sailfish, marlin and dorado.

Belize


Perched on the coast of the Caribbean just below Mexico, Belize offers pristine beaches and extensive flats rich in tarpon weighing as much as 100 pounds (the average size in the summer) and bonefish in the 10-pound range. Fish the reefs at Ambergris Cay where grouper, jack, barracuda, wahoo and mackerel are abundant. Go for a Grand Slam of permit, bonefish and tarpon on the same day or a Super Grand Slam by adding a snook in this fly-fisherman's paradise.

What to Bring

Your #8 rod for bonefish action and a sturdier rod for bigger game should cover most fishing plans. A favorite rod and reel can easily be transported on your flight or shipped ahead. When you make your reservations, ask about the flies, lures and other tackle that are working for this season's fishing and pack extras. Bring several changes of light-weight clothes, swim gear and a ventilated rain jacket. Don't forget your sun block, sunglasses, fishing hat and vest. If you wear corrective lenses or prescription eyeglasses, bring spares.

What to Do

Each of these locations offers much more than fishing (as if that's not enough!) to keep your non-fishing companions happy; you can snorkel and scuba dive in the warm, clear blue waters where they can swim alongside tropical fish and explore the reefs and ocean floor, horseback riding along miles of open beaches, and luxuriating poolside in a resort or spa.

Getting away from it all for a few days could do wonders for you and you’ll return back to the grind of everyday life feeling refreshed and ready to go.

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Jessica is interested in traveling and spending time outdoors. She enjoys spending her time fishing and being out on the water

April 12, 2012

So Where's Our Reality Show?

I have to admit it.  I'm hooked on reality TV.  No, not Jersey Shore or Big Brother or crap like that, but rather the shows that are on Discovery, TLC, A&E, History, Animal Planet, etc... (half those channels are pretty much the same thing anyway).

Yeah, if you haven't noticed, I love me some fine "unscripted" programming like American Pickers, Pawn Stars, Storage Wars, Hoarders, Swamp People, Finding Bigfoot, Deadliest Catch, and so on and so on.  Truthfully, I never watch these shows in real time, rather in weekend marathon installments.  They're much more palatable and addictive that way.

Never doubt science.  Or Bobo.

Anyway, it sorta got me thinking....where is OUR show?  And by "our" I mean the world of fishing...or whatever you'd call it.  I mean all these networks really do is put the word "American" in front of anything, and BAM!, you've evidently got a show.  (American Pickers, American Guns, American Restoration, American Chopper, etc, etc...)  Where's American Guides...or American Fly?

Now, yes, I realize there are plenty of fishing shows on TV.  But I'm not talking the likes of Bill Dance, Larry Czonka, Jeremy Wade, or even The Spanish Fly (may he rest in peace).  That noodling show doesn't count either...although it's close.  I'm talking something a little more offbeat.  From what I read from pockets of the fly-fishing blogging universe, there's seemingly enough characters out there to make at minimum half a season of shows.  I mean if there's a show called Full Metal Jousting...well...ummm...c'mon.

These goofs go medieval on your ass?

The Fat Guy Fly Fishing guys...maybe Third Coast Fly...Gink & Gasoline...Lo Fi Fly...hell, Marc Crapo's beard alone could become a mainstream sensation not seen since the likes of Brad Pitt waving a fly rod.

The beard does all the talking

Just don't include Moldy Chum, as that would clearly be best served in a "The Soup/Tosh.0" format.


Who knows, maybe this already exists on some Outdoors channel I refuse to pay Comca...I mean Xfinity...another dime to subscribe to.  But if it does, what does it matter; it ain't on the TV schedule alongside Toddlers & Tiaras, so you know nobody else is watching either.  Go big or go home.

Then again, maybe us fisherfolk just aren't all that entertaining and exist in a niche so small we can only effectively amuse our pathetic selves...The Real Housewives of the Front Range would never work, right?  Yeah, that's probably the case...

Got an idea for a fishing TV show?...think you have the perfect star?...the comments await below!

April 11, 2012

We Goin' Sizzler




That is if Sizzler = Salt Lake City.

Finally booked my flight for the 2012 Tenkara Summit last night for the mere fee of $35 + 60,000 US Airways miles...(I knew all that business travel would come in handy someday).

Actually pretty psyched to go fish somewhere west of...um...Pennsylvania.

April 10, 2012

Charles Cotton Lived Here

Okay, not really.


But I bet he slept off a few wild nights (& more than his share of Old E) on the River Dove inside.

For the right price you can visit...but you ain't getting in unless you know the secret word...

Wanna take a guess, give it a try in the comments below...

April 6, 2012

A True Troutmobile

Wonder if there's a TFM sticker in the rear window of this trout-inspired car...

Mercedes Benz SLK Aphelios Car Concept by Apostol Tnokovski

"The Mercedes Benz SLK Aphelios Car was inspired by Ohrid trout, an endemic species in Lake Ohrid, Macedonia. Apostol Tnokovski designed this concept vehicle as part of Macedonian Mercedes Design Contest. It’s a futuristic sports car with fluid body design to give you any sense of power and speed in visually stunning vehicle layout."

For more pics & design jibber-jabber, click HERE.

April 5, 2012

Happy Birthday...

...to a rad wife and mother...


...and a most excellent partner in crime.


I love you K.C.

April 4, 2012

I Have Lost All Faith In Trout Unlimited

Yeah, I have some serious issues with Trout Unlimited right now.  I actually may consider rescinding my membership because those spinsters at TU are clearly misguided, to the point where they are openly lying to their members via print media.

See, in the Spring issue of TROUT Magazine, there was a little article about blogs written by an author I choose not to mention by name (for his own safety).  Within the article, there is an inset; "Ten Fly-Fishing Blogs You Should Check Out."

Crappy picture hijacked from Kyle Perkins' Facebook page

The list contains the all the usual suspects, like top notch and well-respected blogs like Subterranean Trout, Choldy Mum, and The Fiberglass Book Report, etc, etc...  but then smack in the middle happened to be this crappy blog.  Believe me, I could not make up a such a work of fiction, even if I wanted to.

Now while I'm used to Troutrageous! being honored by the prestigious academic community - Ivy League institutions such as the Sports Medicine Schools and Zen Colleges come immediately to mind, I can only believe the author of the article in TROUT Magazine was either jet lagged, hungover, or enjoying one of those funny little cigarettes when compiling this list.  Troutrageous! in a Ten Fly Fishing Blogs You Should Check Out....c'mon now!  An April Fool's joke perhaps?  Delusional journalism like this is nothing but reckless and irresponsible, and unfair to YOU the readers.

Geeze, after this list, can we really absorb anything TU puts into print without at least a hint of skepticism?  The next thing you know, they're going to try to convince you that the Pebble Mine thing is a necessary evil for the future of our country...I mean who would actually believe that.....?

April 2, 2012

Opening Day 2012

To be honest, heading into Saturday's rite of Spring, I anticipated somewhat of a letdown.  I was fishing solo on Opening Day this year, an unfortunate development documented a few posts ago.

With no partners in crime this year, I rolled up to our usual spot a little after 6:30 AM.  There were only two other Powerbait bombers anglers there at the time, so I was able to settle in on a nice little "island" of land, all to myself.


Once 8:00 AM (and about 6 or 7 others) finally came around, the fishing itself wasn't bad, I ended up catching my limit + 2...although it did take a bit longer for whatever the reason.  The past two years I've hit my limit in 15, maybe 20 minutes.  Hungry & confused stockies tend to toss aside all inhibition when presented with a gold spinner.  However this year it took about an hour.  Either the bite was just slow, or not quite as many fish were dumped in "the hole" as years past.

In any event, I unfortunately don't have much to show from this outing.  I had planned on making a tripod-mounted POV video...but the camera battery ran out a few casts before I caught my first fish.  Silly thing is I didn't even realize the battery was dead, so I "steered" the trout in front of the video camera on the retrieve, and then held the fish up to the lens and said something stupid like, "Whoomp, there it is!".  I'm a dummy.  FAIL!


I let the battery rest long enough to snap a picture of one of the last fish of the day, a 13" brown, before it finally gave out for good.  Oh well...that's what I get for buying cheap, "bo-bo" camera batteries from eBay.


After that, I went home and dealt with other non-fishing things...we went to see the tax man, as 2011 was a bit too complex for Turbo Tax...and in a total unexpected event, was coerced into buying a new car for my wife.  Actually, I just had to do all the paperwork...because...well...she "bought" the car without telling me the night before.  But that's a story for another day...


April 1, 2012

April SOTM Entry: Patagonia Brute


Argentine angler Vincent McGrew landed this hawg of a brown on a top secret Patagonian fly pattern. McGrew, a new tenkara angler, said the tackle handled the fight expertly.

Say Yes To Pebble Mine!


Screw salmon, and wildlife, and other eco-friendly stuff.  You don't eat those for breakfast.  Time to dig up Bristol Bay.  Say yes to Pebble Mine; a morning without Fruity goodness is not worth living.

LINK (Via: Bam Bam)

Sunday Toona - Sting...I Mean Gotye?


It's a fish tank.  It's parrot fish.  It's that Gotye song I instantly fall asleep listening to.  It also sounds a lot like Sting...but he's too tantric to believe in subtitles.


The Crayon Stylings of Juan Pablo Crayolo


Fine artist Juan Pablo Crayolo recently took up both fly fishing and coloring.  It's amazing when two classics collide. This confirms the Chum will post just about any piece of art as long as it has a fish in it.

LINK (Via: Fish News Daily)

Friday Pin Up - Your Mom Edition


Check out the curves...on that Rascal.