December 20, 2011


The Troutrageous! Clan is embarking on a that we may not emerge from in one piece. Yup, we're driving to Florida (from Pennsylvania) for Christmas. Yes, I'm fleeing the horror that has been work for the last month, and on Thursday, will embark on the horror that is an extended family road trip.

No, no WallyWorld this year, but we're visiting the inlaws down in south Florida... which should make for a pretty interesting time... 19 or so hours worth of interesting to be exact.

We've tried to split the trip down into four 4 hour segments, with an overnight in Savannah, GA, so in my infinite wisdom, have attempted to plan ahead and expect the trip down to look something like this...

6:00 AM - Leave house
6:45 AM - First "Are We There Yet?"
7:30 AM - Pee Break for Lilly
8:45 AM - Pee Break for K.C.
10:00 AM - Planned Stop #1 - Fredericksburg, VA - "America's Most Historic City"...and home to Salsa dancing according to Google.

It's electric...

11:00 AM - Crap, Lilly's DVD player is out of batteries
11:37 AM - Enough Kidz Bop!!!!!  The Best of the Doobie Brothers is put in CD player.
12:05 PM - Pee Break for K.C.
12:16 PM - Pee Break for Lilly
1:15 PM - Break into the snacks.  Cheetos orange encrusted steering wheel ensues.
2:00 PM - Lose feeling in feet.
3:00 PM - Planned Stop #2 - Fayetteville, NC - Why?  Because it's there...and much like this champ, Lilly likes horses.

Lookin' good Rusty...

3:30 PM - Back on the road
4:20 PM - You mean we can't stop for 4:20?
5:00 PM - Damn, it's 5 o'clock already?
5:03 PM - No, were not there yet.
5:16 PM - Pee Break for Lilly & K.C
5:23 PM - I wet myself from not taking a pee break
6:03 PM - Almost time to stop for the night...
7:30 PM - Planned Stop #3 - Savannah, GA.  Food.  Hotel.  Bed.  This is where Paula Deen's from, right?

Got Butter?

6:00 AM - Wake up and realize we still have 7 more hours of driving...
6:30 AM - Find a Shoney's and indulge in the breakfast buffet.  Put grits on the plate, but leave confused.
7:25 AM - Mountain Dew #31 goes down the gullet
8:03 AM - Slip into the zone...dreaming of fishing...unconsciously driving the rest of the way to...
11:00 AM - DAYTONA BEACH!  Which reminds me of watching MTV Spring Break while I was in high school, so envious of all of the drunken debauchery going on.  Oh and boobies.

11:30 AM - Drive, drive, drive...oops, sorry Officer, I didn't realize I was speeding.  Want a T! sticker?
12:00 PM - No, Lilly, those signs don't say Disneyworld Exit Right.
12:15 PM - NO LILLY,< @(*#^&%Y(*@#Y&$(*#&)(!!!!!!
1:30 PM - Immunity to 5 Hour Energy developed, slip back into mindless driving.
3:00 PM - Finally end up in Boca Raton, Florida.  Immediately pass out.

Or something like that.

And that's only the drive down. I'm sure the drive back North will be even more enjoyable.

Have any of you ever done a similar trip? With kid(s)? Any advice to maintain sanity?
Also, if you've done the Florida trip before, any suggested stops along the way?  

The last time I did the PA to FL road trip I was in college, and clearly had different priorities (i.e. yell out the window at girls driving by - as if that would make them stop an immediately succumb to my charms - and of course, acquiring alcohol and fireworks).

Would love to read your comments below.


  1. For your sake,go to radio shack/best buy,and get a small inverter for Lilly's toys,no battery worries! When Sam and myself go on long road trips,found this to be nice,and quiet,enjoy

  2. Shoney's breakfast buffet...yes!

  3. First of all good luck!! And second get the inverter as spurky said, it'll be worth its weight in gold.

    We're heading down to my parents in Ormond Beach (just north of Daytona) for my Birthday and New Years. This will be my 3 time making this drive from the Morgantown, WV area to FL.. It's a long long long long long long, oh yea, long drive.. Plenty of caffeine and snacks is all I can tell you.. I've never made the trip with a kid, but does a Boston Terrier count? Cassie considers it a kid haha..

    On a serious note we take 77S and don't hit 95 until Savannah so I can't give you many stopping points. Just enjoy it as much as you can and have a good Christmas!!

  4. I read this first thing this morning...made my day! This is one of my favorite T! posts...Vacations were made to be...enjoyable?

  5. Ipod and headphones! I have done several trips to visit that mouse in Florida. Portable DVD player is a must with several different movies. Good Luck and Safe Travels!!


  6. Hey Mike......... ARE WE THERE YET?!?!?! DOES THAT SIGN SAY DISNEY WORLD?!?!?!?!?!?

    No, but don't allow the game "Bop It" to even come near the car, and bring lots of batteries for the dvd player.

    ARE WE THERE YET?!?!?!?!!?!

  7. Hang on, I gotta pee!! Have a safe trip and Murray Chistofferson.

  8. Have a safe and uneventful trip. And, as you pass through the heart of Carolina, wave to the west. Oh, and watch for the bedsheets with the hastily lettered We Heart T! hanging from the overpasses as you drive south.

    Merry Christmas!

  9. I'm a big fan of road trips. I'm looking forward to seeing some pictures of the fish you catch from the best area to fish on the planet.

  10. I just found your blog and it is definately NOT a waste of my time...glad I found it. Gotta love a road trip and I hope you get a little stream fishing in over Christmas.

  11. @Justin
    Looking forward to the trip in a perverse way. And yes, I've traveled with dogs, a Boston Terrier counts...

    Merry Xmas to you too!

    I will repeat that over and over " are made to be enjoyable..."

  13. @Shoreman
    I will make sure to check the pier this time.

  14. @flyfishermanj
    We've got the DVD for Lilly, I'll be rockin' out to some Creedence, whether the wife likes it or not. Thanks for the good wishes.

  15. @Mike
    Thanks...we'll wave...and if I happen to see bedsheets like that...I'll know Owl Jones passed thru.

  16. @Fishin Fool
    Will do what I can. Don't really go to go fishing, but I have a feeling I'll find some time.

  17. Saw some of the pictures from the road yesterday on FB...looks like a good time is being had by all.

    By the way, are you still wearing the sombrero?

  18. 1. Get wife to drive

    2. Get a sippy cup full of vodka, neat. It won't bother you after three pulls.