January 4, 2011

An Open Letter To Frito-Lay

Yesterday was a tiring day.  "Why..." you might ask..."did you spend the day out trout fishing and you caught so many you can't possibly lift your arms any longer?"  If you read this blog even somewhat regularly you definitely know better than that.

I was burned out because I spent the majority of Monday removing the wallpaper from my first floor powder room.  Seriously, is there a worse home improvement chore than removing old wallpaper?  There might be...but they are also few and far between.

Ivy belongs at Wrigley Field, not on my bathroom walls

Anyway, I was pleased to see the 2011 Cabela's Fly Fishing catalog arrive in the mail, so I decided to unwind last night by flipping through the pages while doing some light snacking.  My wife bought a bag of Frito-Lay Munchies "Cheese Fix" Snack Mix, which might possibly be my newest favorite guilty pleasure, save one missing element.  It struck such a nerve so deep from within, and led me to writing the following...

That bag didn't stand a chance

Dear Frito-Lay,
Let me preface this letter by commending you on creating a superior snack; I am of course referencing the Munchies Cheese Fix Snack Mix.  Your combination of the "Four Horsemen of Crunch" - Cheetos, Doritos, Rold Gold, & the extremely underrated Sun Chip is an extreme pleasure to the palate, especially when combined with an ice-cold Dr. Pepper.  However you are missing one crucial ingredient, that if considered, will elevate this humble product to unforeseen heights.
Your omission of Fritos, particularly BBQ flavored Fritos, is an oversight I simply cannot ignore.  Yes, I realize that BBQ Fritos go against the "Cheese Fix" theme, but sacrifices sometimes need to be made for the greater good of society.  With their absence you are depriving us, your loyal customers of something only legends are made of.
In closing, all I request is that you please represent your Frito-Lay brand name accurately and strongly consider adding BBQ Fritos to this majestic concoction of cheeziness.  America is looking for a leader to deliver greatness in 2011, and this is your chance to show us all how it is done.
Kind Regards,
Michael Agneta

Sorry for the rant all.  My brain was fried and thus acted accordingly.  Fishing returns tomorrow with the Wednesday Nibbles...


  1. You know, you could always buy a bag of.......oh, nevermind. If you did that, how would I get to laugh until it hurt?


  2. Taping, mudding and sanding might be worse, but wallpaper removal is definitely near the top. After removing it from every room of my first home, I will never wallpaper a room!

    BBQ Fritos? Never even heard of them! Sun Chips are vastly underrated. We don't eat a lot of snack foods at our house, but Sun Chips are my guilty pleasure.


  3. You will have to forgive my ignorance. There are a few things out there I just don't get. Such as, why I can go through every fly in my box and still not get a nibble or why anyone would like the New York Jets? But I'd like to know, what is a powder room?

  4. THANK YOU so much, Mike, for introducing me to a new snack!! Since I love all the ingrediants mentioned, the combination should take my blood pressure and cholesterol to new, neverbefore seen heights of "anti-health". Maybe I can add a few more meds to my daily regiment of blood pressure / gout / acid blockers and come up with an even handful each morning.

    Now I have to stop on the way home and find these damned things

  5. Thanks for reminding me that I will NEVER do another wallpapering job! Period!! Taking off is the worst... Paint, baby, paint!!!

  6. You sir, are a master wordsmith. Frito-Lay would be foolish not to heed your advice and I commend you on such a noble undertaking for the sake of the people.

    BTW, have you had the twisted (spiral shaped) BBQ Fritos? They are pretty good, too!

  7. The first floor powder room, where all the best "powdering" happens.

  8. I'm pretty sure that my elderly neighbor had that same ivy wallpaper in her kitchen. It's quite an artifact of the '80s. Nice unfishy rant.

  9. Okay Michael, everyone was beating around the bush but afraid to go where no man in his right mind has gone before...POWDER ROOM??? POWDER ROOM?? Owl wants your man card back.

    p.s. Try removing an old toilet that didn't belong to you!

  10. aw man, you should have asked around a little bit before you tackled that project, I have removed a ton of wallpaper in my 15 years in the sheetrock industry. for 8 dollars that stuff will fall off the wall all by its self!

  11. @Owl - My wife said the same thing.

    @S&D - You're right about the whole drywall thing, especially the sanding part.

    @Kiwi - It's where the magic happens.

    @Wolfy - I am here to serve.

    @TRD - Yeah, the person who invented that had issues in the head.

    @Rob - Thank you for the compliment, I only hope Frito-Lay heeds this advice. Honey BBQ spirals? No, but worth investigating.

    @Clif - Absolutely.

    @Jay - Which is sad since my house was built in the late 90s.

    @Cofisher - Another one with the powder room? It isn't a bathroom, there's no bathtub. Would you rather me call it "The Dump"? That would be an accurate description of what goes on in there.

    @Big - If I had only known...please pass along your wisdom. I ended up using this spray called Piranha, which worked pretty good in the end.